


Not the Same (Phoenix in the Fire)

by veituriel (skykiss)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blood, Character Death, Dissociation, Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD, Past Rape, Pidge pronouns: She/Her, Referenced Past Rape, SHEITH - Freeform, Violence, mentioned once
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 13:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8015326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skykiss/pseuds/veituriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shiro encounters an old enemy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Same (Phoenix in the Fire)

**Author's Note:**

> This fic, though short...was an experience. I want to thank all of the wonderful friends I've made in this fandom who have encouraged me along the way- from my betas who immediately came around to cheer me on, to the "father kittybat" who inspired me- to Flash, who taught me just how much Shiro needs Keith in his life. This is for you guys.  
> Anyway, please enjoy! And mind the tags.

Galra soldiers were everywhere. They flooded the room- a flurry of metal in the purple light- and clashed with the paladins from all sides. Shiro could feel his muscles aching, knew the slip of sweat under the suit beneath his armor, and he fought. He collided with and disentangled from conflict in a wicked exchange; his back touched Keith’s until they twisted and traded adversaries. The electric tang of blood filled the air and sent the hairs on the back of Shiro’s neck rising. He knew this feeling- the insistent thrum of adrenaline in his veins. It pressed him forward as bodies fell around them.

Across the room Lance and Hunk took down groups together with Pidge, whose strategical mind and ability with her bayard allowed them to herd large numbers into a target zone. It had been so long since the five had been chosen to pilot the Lions and form Voltron, and the wisdom of their time together was tangible. They had bonded, known each other inside and out. They weren’t anywhere near able to defeat Zarkon yet, but this mission- to board a general’s ship and steal information on military assignments and shipment routes- was just a test of their growing strength. It was a proud moment when the group could resist an offensive push, it was even better when they could make one of their own- when they could fight in tandem like this… a deadly dance and a race against time until Galra reinforcements arrived.

Allura and Coran had infiltrated the ship ahead of time- they were likely at the helm by now, downloading much needed information as discreetly as possible under the paladins’ massive distraction.

A blast on Lance’s side signaled the decimation of nearly half the remaining Galra troops, and Shiro heard Lance’s triumphant shout just as he felt the tingling heat of random energy dispersed from disintegrating atoms. The thrill of victory began to play under Shiro’s skin and he heard the rhythm of Keith’s blade pick up a new tempo behind him, alive with hope.

Then there was marching.

The ship-quaking steps of more troops approached- not even a sixth of what they had faced so far, but they were still _more_ , and the paladins were still _tired_ , and Shiro was just putting his frustration away behind patient determination when he saw the face at the head of the formation.

No. 

No, no, no no. _No_.

Air caught in his chest, but Shiro refused to let it stop him. He moved faster, worked harder, channeled that energy even as he heard the order given and the fresh soldiers rush forward into the fray. He felt Keith beside him and Lance and Hunk and Pidge across the room and thought of their Altean friends at the control panel. He felt their presence- the should-be reassuring strength of numbers, but his heart still beat faster, climbed up his throat as it tried to escape when he would not.

“Did you really think you’d get away with overthrowing _my_ ship?”

That voice. Shiro’s fists tightened as he delivered the final blow to another soldier, now static and a fallen metal husk on a pile of its counterparts. Copies, every single one of them. Obedient to their master- never faltering, never failing. He felt his knees acutely as he stared at the remains, forced them not to give out on him. Metal hands seizing his arms flickered through his mind, were reality, were not- in this moment. They were. There _was_ a hand. It disappeared almost soon as it had been there, and it had been Keith. Keith was pushing the troops away from him, throwing them aside like paper dolls in his ferocity.

Sendak approached.

The leer on his face was familiar and _wrong_. Shiro felt that same twist of his gut- the curls of anticipation before a long drop from a high cliff- except this time there would be no thrusters to keep him airborne in the end. There was no safe.

Shiro hadn’t realized he was fighting again until he dropped another body and heard a sickening thump from nearby. His chest was heaving and sweat was in his eyes, and he was on his back in a place he hadn’t known but knew so well, and he was helpless. Keith was helpless, suspended in the air, ribs crushing together in the monstrous hand of a monstrous being. He was fighting, Shiro was fighting, Shiro was pushing through the fringe of the struggle while he watched Keith push against Sendak’s claw with his own hands. Shiro rushed forward. His heart beat faster. _I can’t lose him._

 _I can’t lose to him_.

His arms were struggling against the strength of another, his fingers curled and digging into flesh. He yanked on an ear and an animalistic yelp pierced the air, but it didn’t stop what was happening. It could only delay the inevitable. Sendak’s free paw- his non-enhanced one- swiped through the air and cuffed Shiro’s face. His head snapped to the side, and his body jerked, and he felt helpless again. He felt the hard ground against his knees and he couldn’t breathe- his throat felt too full for it.

Keith was back on his feet, now. He was in front of Shiro, fighting Sendak. Forcing him back. Keith was smaller, but he was more agile, more accurate. His strikes were like a viper’s jab, and he bled Sendak in much the same way- but in the end he was thrown off by a soldier and flung to the ground again -with tears littering his thigh that were half-finger deep and bleeding. He was pushing himself to his feet anyway.

Shiro tried to stand but he couldn’t- there was dizziness and pressure and his head was pulsing and his blood was pumping and it was all over his cheek, all over his neck, inside his nose. The fluid was choking him. He was choking. There were hands dragging him into darkness and he was on his knees and he was weak, and the hands were on him and they were touching him and he jerked away from them but they caressed him still.

 _“Relax,”_ drawled Sendak’s voice, _“Or don’t. It doesn’t matter.”_

And he didn’t, he couldn’t. He fought the restraints against his hands.

“Relax.”

There was a hiss of pain beside him and he saw Keith fighting Sendak, saw a monster and a friend, saw both of them at once and then in flashes. He saw Sendak’s feral eyes above and a paw snatching his hair, saw Keith leaning over him to press a kiss to his forehead- felt the touch of two different hands and the bites of two different pairs of teeth. He felt worthless and disgusting and dangerous. He felt beautiful and loved and strong.

He felt anger tear through him like lightning.

_‘I'll break you-’_

_‘_ It’s _a part of_ you, _’_

_‘A part of the Galra empire-’_

_‘You need to accept yourself and who you’ve become.’_

_‘A monster like you-’_

_‘I know you; you won't hurt me.’_

His right hand tightened its grip.

_‘Our greatest weapon-’_

Shiro’s head throbbed and his pulse raced. There was movement on the edges of his vision but he was fighting. He was blocking and returning blows, he was dealing damage. He was sweating. He was delaying the inevitable and he was losing. He was bleeding. He was shoved back down.

He saw countless possibilities and endless memories. He saw himself killing, hurting, destroying planets. He saw himself protecting his friends. He felt arms around him. He felt fear.

 

_‘I love you.’_

 

And then he felt the sudden push of entry- his spine stiffening, his heart stopping, his mind freezing and the biting ache of that frost behind his eyes, in his skull. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to stop. He wanted to let go.

He wanted Keith to stay.

“Shiro!”

 It was like bursting to the surface-- and at the surface, under the clear light of the warship’s hangar, his right arm was shoulder deep in Sendak’s gut. That eerie mechanical eye was crushed and dark under his human hand.

 He thought he heard a “holy shit” from somewhere, but he couldn't be sure in all this commotion. The troops were retreating. The other paladins were moving. There was blood on his neck that wasn't his blood.

 There was blood dripping from Sendak’s open mouth.

 

Later, he remembered staring at his hand as the body hit the metal grates at his feet. The heavy thud hadn’t fazed him, but the fact that he'd felt a pulse against his squeezing fingers-if only for a second- had thrown him through a loop. He didn't feel things that acutely through his mechanical hand… he just _didn’t._

 But he had.

 “Shiro.”

 Keith’s voice had been cracked, there had been blood all over him- all over them. The other paladins had made a final shove against the remaining enemy forces while Keith rushed back. He’d run right to Shiro, his right leg stuttering mid-stride of its own accord. It was unable to function normally around the deep grooves that metallic claws had torn into his quadriceps, but he hadn’t seemed to care. He’d reached for Shiro’s arm, touched the gore-soaked wrist with a gentle hand, and looked at him with such worried eyes that Shiro remembered just where he was, and just what was going on.

 As his thoughts turned back to the present and he focused on Keith, he began to feel his body trembling and his muscles aching. He saw Keith’s eyes settle with warmth, saw an unsteady smile light his face, and let Keith pull the blood-soaked hand to his cheek as he leaned in to kiss Shiro. There was gentleness, and then relief, and then a recognizable but unfamiliar heat as they crushed their chests together. There were tears on their cheeks- he wasn’t sure whose- and there was sticky, drying, metallic fluid smeared across their skin, but they were together. It was filthy and perfect and Shiro felt anchored to this moment, but he felt like he could fly again-- like he could see the past as if it were the ground below- hard and unforgiving and very real but far away- and the future that spread before him- endless as the darkness of space, and yet as impossibly bright as the stars within.

 Shiro could never change the past, couldn’t alter his memories- but he’d made new ones with the family he’d found, and he’d never forget what they’d given him- what he’d made of himself.

 As they separated, Keith held onto Shiro’s shoulder for support against his weakening right leg.

 “We should follow them,” Shiro said, his breathing having finally evened out, and Keith nodded in agreement. He stopped them halfway through turning towards the exit, though, with a hand on Shiro’s chest. Shiro instinctively leaned after Keith when he let go of Shiro’s shoulder, but stopped himself when he tried to reach out. The red paladin knew what he was doing-- even if Shiro didn’t.

 Keith limped forward about two steps, paused a moment, and then pulled his leg back and kicked Sendak’s hulking corpse with impressive force. Bone crunched under his foot, but the only look on Keith’s face was of mild disgust.

 “That’s for my boyfriend, you filthy sack of shit.”

 One more kick. Keith winced.

 “And that’s for my damn leg.”

 He limped back to Shiro’s side and took his shoulder again, leaning on the support heavily.

 “Alright, I’m done,” he said. Shiro raised an eyebrow.

 “What?”

 Shiro snorted a laugh and shook his head, not sure about what to say, exactly. He took a moment and got them started towards the arch through which the others had disappeared.

 “Nothing. Just thinking about the definition of ‘beating a dead horse’.”

 Keith gave him a flat look.

 “A dead space gremlin.”

 Shiro couldn’t help but laugh and Keith was so entirely confused, but his expression twisted happily at the look on Shiro’s face.

They were damaged, and they might have been broken, but they could hold each other together like this. They could be each other’s gravity, to the ends of the universe in this wide open space.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that's all. Thank you for reading!


End file.
